So I was Reading and now I am Writing

If you have yet to become enthralled in a piece of literature today, try this on for size,

"Come, o my friend, with your earliest convenience, I pray you, & let us seize the void betwixt two atoms of air the vacation between two moments of time to decide how we will steer this torrent which is called Today." (As qtd in Feminist Conversations, 35)

While I wish that I could rewrite the entire portion of this letter from Ralph Waldo Emerson to Margaret Fuller, I feel that this part is enough. Some of you might think this is hoity toity crap, but I think it is some of the most gorgeous prose. I think what makes it even more gorgeous than some of Emerson's other writing is that this was in a letter. Granted I'm sure that he was still careful about word choice, and how he spoke to his audience, but he definitely did not edit this with the scrutiny of a work to be published. He just wrote, and this is what happened.

I am simply in awe of Emerson's seemingly innate beauty and fluency with words, like "seize[ing] the void betwixt two atoms of air." Are you freaking kidding me! That's amazing! Who thinks like that? Who writes like that? I know we were all talking yesterday about what makes great writers, or how to "make" one, but I want to know how I can write like this, because honestly I don't think I could ever be that brilliant with language. I also wish that more people would write like this today. Unfortunately even if someone did write like this it probably wouldn't be published, because the beauty of language Emerson uses doesn't usually translate into dollar signs on the literary market. It didn't even do that well for the time in which he wrote.

The Power of Positivity

I know we talked about this briefly in class, but I feel like it can never talk about it enough. The "it" I'm referring to in this case is the power of positivity! Looking back on my high school career, I was fortunate enough to have a mom who was very invested in my education (almost too much sometimes), I had a plethora of educational resources available to me, I went to a great school, and I was very self-motivated. I know right now you're probably all thinking "Well la-de-frickin-da," but hear me out. Aside from all those things, I would say the most important thing I had was an inspiring teacher who took pride in my work. I basically thrived off of their positive comments on my papers and assignments. I could feel myself glow when I read their positive (or in my high school mind, ecstatic) marginal comments on quotes I used or pieces of analysis I wrote which I had spent so much time on. It felt great that someone who I looked up to not only recognized my hard work, but praised it.

Now I know that there is also debate on the negativity of positivity: students reliance on teacher comments leads them to write for the teacher, it makes their self-worth hinge on praise, etc. I personally think that is poppycock. Maybe the critics of positivity are right, and there was some blossoming Henry James in class who the world will never know because he was forced to reshape his writer for teacher praise, maybe there was a future Emily Dickinson who never tried something new because she became stuck in the rut of writing that she knew would receive positive marginal comments. Maybe I just happened to write the way my teacher liked, but I don't think so.

Think about what a few positive comments for a struggling student. Lately I've been grading piles of what my co-op calls bookmarks for her freshman English class. Some kids do great, so kids not so great (who would've thought, variety in a classroom). Think about how disheartening it is for a kid in that class who tries hard to improve, but keeps getting back bookmarks covered in "-1"s and "5/9"s. I know if I was that kid, after a while I might get tired of trying, and that's the last thing we as future teachers want our kids to feel.

Now imagine that same kid who, although they might not be getting the grade they want, gets positive comments about their good sentences, use of new vocabulary, or hints on ways to improve their analysis. Yea getting a bad grade still stinks, but at least the student now knows that the teacher is invested in their improvement, and, more importantly, notices their strengths I saw on Chandra's blog this week, and it's also come up in other's blogs, a discussion on motivation. I think one way to keep students motivated, especially ones who we might see as withdrawn, is to keep giving them praise. And not just any praise, but explanatory praise! Not just "Good Job Sara!," but "Sara, good job on your attention to characters! I like how you explain them in such detail!" Now a student know that they've done something praiseworthy, and can put a name to that skill which you've recognized as a strength hat they possess. Sometimes kids even use rhetorical techniques that they're not aware of such as creating a metaphor or playing with syntax. Tell them they're doing that! And the weird thing about praising students, is that in the end it makes you feel pretty great about being a teacher too :-)

West High Partnership!

Although the later exchanges between me and my partner had some technical glitches, overall I loved our exchanged! I was really surprised with how open my student was with me. In the beginning exchanges I realized we had some similar interests so it was nice to be able to relate to him, which I think is what helped him be more open in sharing with me.

My exchange experience reminded me of some of the time I spent as a youth group leader. What I liked about this youth group was that it was about getting to know the whole student, rather than just focusing on their religion (although that was a focal point no doubt). But what I remember is the first time a kid wanted to talk with me outside of the sanctioned time for youth group (no worries everyone! this was something we were supposed to do as being leaders as we got to know the students better). I started off by just asking about how their week was going, but after about 15minutes they were telling me about their family life and issues with their familial relationships. I felt so honored that they felt comfortable enough to talk with me about only knowing me for a few weeks!

I know I'm just supposed to talk about the West exchange, but I got that same feeling I had when I talked with the kid from youth group when my partner sent me their autobiography about a really traumatic event in his life. Maybe it was because he didn't think I was going to judge him, or he had enough distance from me where any potential criticisms I had wouldn’t affect him as much, but whatever the reason he opened up that part of his life to me. One of the things that made me really excited was the change in the title of his autobiography.

The name of the attachment of the first draft he sent me was “autobiography crap.” I knew from our previous exchanges that he wasn’t one to do “crap” work, at least not in English which said was his favorite subject. After I sent back my comments on his first draft, the next time he sent me his autobiography the attachment read: “Revised AutoBio.” He told me he expanded on some parts which I had suggested and that my comments really helped him improve his essay. I think the seriousness with which I commented on his first draft (serious as per the gravity of the content, not as in mean or demeaning) made him take pride in his work, versus calling it “crap,” or thinking that it wouldn’t be good enough based on whatever standards he envisioned me to have. Maybe I’m just tooting my own horn, but I feel like the comments I made help him become a more confident writer. I only hope that I can do that when I am a teacher.

The Parent Blockade

So I've started, and re-started this blog for the third time now. You would think, after having my first week of practicum, I would have boatloads of stories to share with you. However, I don't know if I'm yet able to describe my practicum well enough for the rest of the blogosphere to understand. It would probably amount to a bunch of cliches and sentence after sentence ending in exclaimation points. However, between practicum classes and other education classes I have realized that there is someone in particular in the educational system that I have a huge beef with: the parent.

No, this is not a blog does not stem from a fight I had with my mom over the mailing of my cardigans (although the happened to some extent). What it IS, is a frustration about the gaps between the parents desires for thier children, reality, and the effort they themselves are willing to put forth for thier child's education.

What the Parent wants: their children to be well-educated so that they are able succeed in school and move on to post-secondary education and prosper in whatever future career they chose. At a minimun they should be performing on par with the majority of thier peers. If there is any new technology or teaching method on the market thier child should have it, or at least have access to it.

Unfortuneatly, the reality is that a lot of school districts don't have the money to impliment new technologies, or the time to teach their teachers how to use them properly. Some schools don't even have money to buy thier students new, or at least up-to-date text books (then teachers are yelled at about how they are not doing a good job).

Aside from budget concerns, the thing that bothers me the most is the parents attitude towards school. It is hard for us as teachers to make a kid who doesn't want to read, read. Yes we can tell and show them how important literature is, even punish them with a bad grade if we think they are not understanding the importance of turning in homework. However, if the child goes home at the end of the day and is given the hint that literature written a hundred years ago by some dead dude isn't of any importance, how are we supposed to combat that?

Maybe this just sounds like hopeless ranting, and maybe I'm just trying to hard to get something down on my cyberpad, but how are we supposed to counterbalance the attitude or a child's family, or possibly thier community? How can we hope to educate the student, if the moment they enter thier living room all our work is labeled as "unnecessary?"

Bring a number 2 pencil, and a new personality

It's Sunday, the Bears game is on at 3:15. And it's not just any Bears game, it's the Bears v. Packers game, and I'm a Bears fan :-) What does this have to do with English or education? Absolutely nothing. So now it's time to write something provocative. Okay, I'm waiting....I'm waiting....
I've got nothing.

To be honest, I can't get my mind off of practicum. It starts tomorrow! I just drove to my placement today, I'm really bad with directions so if I'm going get lost I'd rather do it today than tomorrow morning. This may sound silly to some of you Iowans, but I've never had to drive past corn fields and cows to get to school. It was such a weird experience for me! When I called my mom and told her, her first reaction was to ask me if I actually got the right directions and didn't just end up at a big church. No mom, not unless churches have suddenly removed the crosses from the roof and replaced them with light up signs and yellow buses.

After I got over the fact that my placement isn't like what I'm used to- suburban landscape filled with strip malls, sprawling parking lots, and green squares of playgrounds- a new fear crept into my mind: what if the teacher I planned to be isn't the teacher that is right for the new setting I'm in? My whole life I have grown up in a democratic suburb with democratic suburban teachers. I feel like my understanding of what a teacher does and who a teacher is has been shaped by my educational experiences in my home setting (I know shocker, right?). But now I'm in a completely different setting, does that mean I have to be a completely different teacher? I know that I'll have to change my curricula or some teaching methods and tools for each class I teach (even within the same school), but now will I have to change myself too?

I guess I am realizing more than ever that the group of people who taught me, and the group of people who were in class with me, tended so have some of the similar thoughts and values. Again, what a shock I grew up in a certain culture. I guess the shock is that I never realized until now that northwest Chicago suburbs was a culture. Now that I know that, the bigger question- which I've been dancing around for the last 500 plus words)- is where do I fit in in this new culture of eastern Iowa City ruralness? What values, ideas, concepts do they all, for the most part, share and accept. Maybe I'm thinking to much into this, or maybe I'm still jostled from the fact that I passed by the street for my school three times before I could get a good look at the sign. After all, isn't part of school confronting ideas, or ideals, that you naturally accept in order to broaden understanding maybe even shift some of those ideas you believe in?

I guess I'm in for more learning than I thought this semester. I think though, that as long as I have my students' best interests at heart, and I show my passion for the material that I'll be a-okay.

Where did the imagination go?

I'm currently seated at my kitchen table reading the chapter titled "Unforgettable Language" in Fletcher's book (yes we were supposed to have it all read for Friday, but oh well), and reading the part about Adamisms make me realize how great children's language is.

Think about it, at four years-old you are bombarded with thousands of words a day, a lot of which are new. In tangible terms, it would be like unlocking the door to a Lego store, and telling a kid "You have to build something, but you can use everything and anything you want in the store." This is what children are doing when they are learning how to express themselves with new language: they have a bunch of word Lego pieces- some familiar some strange- and they have to put them together to construct meaning. Sometimes the final construction looks odd and topples over after the builder removes their hands, other times they build a veritable Empire State building of a phrase like, "Stop it, you're tickling me with your voice." Whether the child knows it or not, they have combined the sensory (tickling) and auditory (voice) worlds together in one small phrase and it works beautifully.

So how is it that we move from these beautiful, and sometimes messy, phrases of childhood to the fridgedness- almost sterility- of words in adolescence and adulthood? We undoubtedly know more words, and know what they mean, so shouldn't we have even more beautiful language?

I think part of the problem is that as we grow up we learn that there is a "right way" and "wrong way" to use language. Instead of being congratulated for playing with words, and their meanings, students are penalized for "failure" to use words "correctly," rather than being congratulated for thier attempt to create something new. For example, how many times in high school, when reading outloud for an English class, did some of your classmates skip over words saying, "Uh, um...that word," for fear of embarassing themselves infront of the class and the teacher? Better yet, how many times did students in that same classroom boldly ask what a word means?

I think it will be part of any future high school English teacher's job is to allow kids to expirement with words; show them our own interest in words (some of my favorites are poignant and fuscia) to let them know that language does not need to be tied down once you get into high school. At fourteen, and even eighteen, years-old we don't expect them to have a complete grasp on the English language, and words were meant to be molded and reshaped. Better yet, you can question words and the way they are used, and inquisitiveness is a great thing!

While the "What I Want to Do" conversation is a lot easier than the "How I Want to Do It" conversation, I hope that realizing that I want my students to realized the vivacity of language might make the "How" come more naturally. Until then, I'm open to suggestions :)

What is writing and how do I write?

Lately I have been writing more in my own journal. Maybe it is because I now know that it is writing that counts, or that it counts as writing (which are two different statements I believe). No matter what it is, I feel like lately I have reached a new state in my writing: self-discovery.

Being a girlfriend for the first time in my life (1 year anniversary this past Saturday!) I've found myself writing about my boyfriend a lot. Like, a lot a lot. I found myself getting frustrated with myself, because in reading journals of a few great authors I saw all these genuine and wonderfully intellectual thoughts they were scribbling down. It was almost aggravatingly effortless. I thought, "If someone reads my journal years from now they're going to think I'm some character plucked from a bad Judy Bloom book."

Reading Zinsser's book on memior and Fletcher's What a Writer Needs makes me realize that, although on the surface I might just be talking about how I a mad/happy/in love with/frustrated with my boyfriend, underneath there is some self-discovery going on: I'm learning how I carry myself in relationships, what I think is fair, what parts of my past affect the way react to emotional stress...Aside from learning about my personal self, I am finding out my voice as a writer: I use the word "so" as a transition waaaay too often, I am pretty witty (almost downright hilarious sometimes), I tend not to completely finish a thought but let one idea stem into another like a frame story, and when I am describing a scene or something that happened to me that day I have to tell you every detail (sometimes to breaking point of my own patience).

So that's me writing about my writing. I'm metawriting. Hopefully I don't ever write about metawriting. I don't even know what I'd call that.