Lately I have been writing more in my own journal. Maybe it is because I now know that it is writing that counts, or that it counts as writing (which are two different statements I believe). No matter what it is, I feel like lately I have reached a new state in my writing: self-discovery.
Being a girlfriend for the first time in my life (1 year anniversary this past Saturday!) I've found myself writing about my boyfriend a lot. Like, a lot a lot. I found myself getting frustrated with myself, because in reading journals of a few great authors I saw all these genuine and wonderfully intellectual thoughts they were scribbling down. It was almost aggravatingly effortless. I thought, "If someone reads my journal years from now they're going to think I'm some character plucked from a bad Judy Bloom book."
Reading Zinsser's book on memior and Fletcher's What a Writer Needs makes me realize that, although on the surface I might just be talking about how I a mad/happy/in love with/frustrated with my boyfriend, underneath there is some self-discovery going on: I'm learning how I carry myself in relationships, what I think is fair, what parts of my past affect the way react to emotional stress...Aside from learning about my personal self, I am finding out my voice as a writer: I use the word "so" as a transition waaaay too often, I am pretty witty (almost downright hilarious sometimes), I tend not to completely finish a thought but let one idea stem into another like a frame story, and when I am describing a scene or something that happened to me that day I have to tell you every detail (sometimes to breaking point of my own patience).
So that's me writing about my writing. I'm metawriting. Hopefully I don't ever write about metawriting. I don't even know what I'd call that.
Brittany,
ReplyDeleteYour boyfriend situation reminds me a whole lot of my own! I, too am in my first real relationship (unless you call holding hands at recess in 4th grade real). I find myself constantly talking about my boyfriend as well as writing about him to our West High partners that we have in class. I would have to share your fear that "If someone reads my journal years from now they're going to think I'm some character plucked from a bad Judy Bloom book." That part really made me laugh.
I think it's amazing what you can find out from reading your own writing. It's like reading the story of your life. I am going to take your discovery of yourself and attempt to apply that to myself.